Review: Game of Thrones: Season 7: Episode 3 (July 30, 2017)

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Just to forewarn, I don’t watch anything beyond once the credits start rolling at the end of the episode, so if there’s anything that’s typically after the credits, I have no idea. If there’s nothing, no harm no foul. Also, spoilers ahead like always!

EDIT: I updated a few parts of my review.

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My Personal Ideology: My Way of Living (1)

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“The thing is to understand myself: the thing is to find a truth which is true for me, to find the idea for which I can live and die. That is what I now recognize as the most important thing.” – Søren Kierkegaard.

To know who you are is important as who you are shapes your life. Existence precedes essence, and that it’s up to us to make do with what we have and form our essence based on that. We exist, and then we create, but what we create is different because no two people are the same.

Everyone has their own unique perspective – we witness the same events but we remember and recall through our perspective which may differ from the perspective of others who were also witnesses. In writing, there are multiple points of view. On the basic level, there is: first, second, and third point of view. There’s also omniscient and limited point of views which you’ll use depending on which person point of view that you’re using. All of this goes back to that there’s a lot that everyone can offer because we view things differently from one another. There’s a truth that’s true for you, and that can be used to find the ideology that you feel strongly about.

My constantly shaping ideology that I live by is: taking personal responsibility for myself, continue towards self-improvement, there’s always something to be learned, and doing my best to not consciously harm another person for whatever reason besides to defend myself. Treat thy neighbor as thou would treat thyself. My religious values play a large part in my philosophy – I believe in a benevolent God who through Jesus Christ forgave us for our sins and through belief in our lord savior, we will be saved. Treating others well, or at least being cordial to them even if I don’t feel warmly towards them, is a goal of mine that I try to implement as best as possible. I seek to live a life that’s dedicated to keeping my promises and being a good servant to my Lord Father which includes spreading love and kindness to others. People have been using God to spread their evil and hatred when Jesus tells us to love all. “He said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.’” (Matthew 22:37-40, NRSV w/A). These two commandments were emphasized by Jesus and both speak of love.

In addition, Jean-Paul Sartre has it right when he states: “Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does. It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.” We must take personal responsibility for ourselves because we are free. We are free to choose who we get to be. Even with my mental illnesses, I chose to seek help and be medicated when I desperately needed to be who I wanted to be and not what my mental illnesses wanted me to be. It’s up to me to give my life meaning, and through my hobbies, passions, and surrounding myself with people who help me think critically about my ideas, I find myself developing my philosophy that’s ever changing but solid in its foundation of: personal choice and freedom. In a sense, I do identify with being a Christian Existentialist.

I still have a problem with not letting my illnesses shape everything in my life, but it’s hard when my life is significantly impacted with how limiting my physical capabilities are now. However, I am moving on with getting my tests done including MRIs of my brain and cervical spine to see if there’s any lesions in my brain as my neurologist also thinks multiple sclerosis is a possibility, so we’re going to be thorough to be sure. It’s relieving how fast things are moving now to figure out what’s going on with me. I’m tired of feeling ill all day while being in a good amount of pain without knowing what’s causing all of it. Hopefully once we figure out the diagnosis, it’ll be something that’s curable. I need to keep the faith otherwise I’ll be lost in this pain, and I refuse to let pain be everything about me. I still have my hobbies. I still have a great relationship. I have a lot to be grateful for, and gratitude is an important way of looking at life as it’s just that wonderful to be grateful for things.

Review: Game of Thrones Season 7: Episode 2 (July 23, 2017)

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The second episode of the seventh season of Game of Thrones wasn’t as hyped as the first episode in the beginning but it did get hype towards the end. This episode grew in intensity rather than in the first episode, it was whabam moments every so often.

~Spoilers Ahead!~

You can also check out my review for the first episode here.

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Coping with My Chronic Illnesses: A Pain-Filled World (02)

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“Of pain you could wish only one thing: that it should stop. Nothing in the world was so bad as physical pain. In the face of pain there are no heroes.” ― George Orwell, 1984.

I don’t recall ever being in this much pain before without respite. The pain started at the end of June and hasn’t gone away and it’s already nearing the end of July. Normally, there would be a day or two of pain respite, but that hasn’t happened since it started, which is driving me insane. This pain-filled world is what I think hell is like. I watched House M.D. about half a year ago when it was still on Netflix, and I identified a part of myself with Gregory House. Pain changes a person, especially when it’s always there and severely limits their ability to do something. It definitely can make them meaner. I don’t have enough energy to pretend that things are okay anymore. I can forget for a little while when I indulge in my hobbies or hang out with my SO or my friends, but the pain is always there at the back of my mind.

I can’t sleep well without medication anymore; otherwise, I’m waking up in the middle of the night due to pain. At least now I can sleep for several hours undisturbed by pain. I’m close to giving up and going to the emergency room due to the sheer amount of pain I’m in, but luckily, I managed to snag a doctor’s appointment at the neurologist on Monday, so hopefully that goes well! I just want the pain to stop. It’s consuming a lot of my thoughts lately even when I try to push them away.

On a happier note, for coping partly comes from finding good in tough situations, I’m blessed that my SO tries his best to make my life as comfortable as possible right now. I’d be lost without his support. The daily massages are a blessing and knowing that he has my back and is willing to see my illnesses through with me is a great comfort. I am cherished, and though my mind likes to play tricks and make me think otherwise, it always comes back to: “I am cherished.”

It’s a bitter pill to swallow that because of some of the things I was born with, I’m not healthy and am in pain sometimes because of it. Without these breakthrough gratitude moments, my life would be the hell my body wants it to be. However, fortunately enough for me, I am able to remember my blessings. I am able to remember God’s greatness and how despite the illnesses, I still have blessings in my life. I said my prayers today and remembered my place as a child of God and felt a little more hopeful that I may bear with all this pain as we figure out what exactly is going on. I have to keep the faith that we will be able to figure out what’s going on and figure out a way to help me with the pain.

My Language Learning Journey: German (Log: 3)

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I’m slowly getting there with my German. I can definitely understand more German than I did a month ago.

Something that I’ve been trying lately is listening to German music – specifically Disney songs. I was super excited when I realized that I could understand some of the Disney German song titles while looking for German Disney songs on YouTube. Moreover, there are three German songs that I’m particularly attached to: “Feuer der hölle” from the Hunchback of Notre Dame, “Ich werd’s noch beweisen” from Hercules, and “Endlich sehe ich das Licht” from Tangled.

I try to sing along in German, but it’s quite hard. It is practically the only time I’m really trying to actually speak the language rather than focusing on my goal of reading, but it’s fun and helps expose me to the German language more.

Overall, I’m glad that I’m able to try to learn a foreign language in my own home at my own pace. It’s less stress and anxiety, which played a big part as to why I had a hard time in university with my foreign language learning because I absolutely hated speaking in a language that’s not English or Hawaiian Pidgin English and would often get anxious and want to throw up. There was a point where my professor kept asking me questions during an oral exam in hopes that I would start talking more, but it frightened me instead, and I went home and promptly threw up. It was a wonder for me because it was only my foreign language class where speaking actually frightened me. I’d be a chatterbox in my English courses, but my foreign language courses always scared me into silence due to my anxiety taking over.

It’s hard motivating myself sometimes to work on my German, but I am determined to continue to work on it for now.

Review: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)

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Now that Rogue One: A Star Wars Story is finally on Netflix, my SO and I finally decided to watch it last night. I’ll admit, I didn’t think I’d like it as much as I did. The plot and characters were solid, and the atmosphere often reflected well. It was fun seeing actors that I recognized such as Mads Mikkelsen and Jimmy Smits (although, he was reprising his role as Bail Organa).  ~Spoilers Ahead!~

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Review: Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 1 (July 16, 2017)

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~Spoilers ahead of pretty much the entire episode – some thoughts on what we’ve seen so far from the first episode and some questions and musings on what those might mean for the rest of the show! You’ve been warned!~


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