Posted in Learning, Studying, Reading, Personal, Uncategorized

On Learning: Impatience and The Process of Taking a Rain Check

“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.” – Heraclitus

I can be impatient when it comes to learning. I want to understand everything that I’m learning about immediately. But that’s not how it works, unfortunately! I have trouble with recalling information, which makes utilizing what I learn hard, but I’ve been trying to compensate by doing rote memorization for things such as vocabulary building (Memrise is pretty fun for this) or memorizing the routine of household chores so I don’t forget to do a chore which has happened on multiple occasions. It also called for emergency scrambling because of how unprepared we were, and I end up a mess with my lack of emotional regulation (which I am working on!). It’s a tough life being unmedicated as an ADHD person after having been medicated for a while – I can tell the difference from the days when I was medicated and when I’m not – but it’s livable as most things I’m actually required to do can be done unmedicated. It takes a lot of patience, which God bless my SO has been showering me in, and most things end up a success with the combined powers of my SO and I. I truly feel blessed by God with having my SO. I’ve learned so much from him, and what works for the two of us. Learning never ends.

I also take the time to think deeply on subjects that I’m learning about, especially when I’m willing to read and note-take (and sometimes application) for hours on end about whatever it is that I want to learn. Those days can be fun as a few times I get into flow mode. Other times, it’s more deliberate learning.

Overall, you just have to enjoy the journey, not just the end results. It’s hard sometimes to be so wanting to understand something but for some reason, it’s just not clicking. You go through all the steps leading up to it, and yet something is still wrong, but in the massive number of steps taking, you don’t even know where you went wrong. Those are the days where I need to stop, put it off for a while, and then come back to it and rinse and repeat. Eventually, even if it’s years later, if I’ve been revisiting enough and each time putting in genuine effort and perseverance, I start understanding more and more even if I never fully understand everything. Each time I picked it up and tried again, especially in foreign language, gets me a little further in understanding each time that actually sticks.

Going back to Heraclitus’s quote, I identify with it with the way I learn. I do sometimes feel that when I’ve reread a book after having not read it for several years. Metaphorically, for me at least, neither the story nor I am typically the same as the first time I’ve read the book, and that’s why I identified with Heraclitus’s quote. I’ve reread books that I’ve remembered the general plot, but the narrative itself struck me differently as I noticed and examined the book more closely than I did the first time around. This taking of a rain check of promising to come back later and revisit what I originally wanted to learn is something that happens enough times that I’ve come to appreciate how much it works for me in attaining knowledge that I’m persistent enough to chase throughout my lifetime. Learning never stops; learning never ends. Even if you have to set it aside for a while because you’re not getting it and returning to it later may cause a considerable improvement. It took me years before I gained a basic understanding of reading Shakespeare despite having to read him throughout high school. It wasn’t until my last two years in my undergraduate study in English Literature that I had some kind of breakthrough of being able to think more critically on the Bard and his works, and even now there’s a lot that I can still learn. The journey is still on-going – it’s fantastic.

Posted in Classics 2017 Challenge, Personal, Uncategorized

Finding More of Myself in Life

One thing that I have decided on dedicating my life to is my wanting to commit myself to my personal development for myself and for my family. One of my bigger goals out of that desire is to be a good partner to my SO. Another is to try to be kinder to myself. That’s often one of my hardest goals to accomplish. I often have flashbacks to moments where I’ve screwed up or something bad like having been stalked before, and my paranoia often rears its ugly head before I’m able to get myself under control. My coping skills have been improving in the past year despite my lapse in therapy which I know I need to start again.

My biggest critic is myself, and often, I feel struck deeply by things like politics because I’m individualistic in the sense that I sit down and think and attempt to feel the effect of policies as a human being rather than being a part of any political party. I can get and sound grumpy when talking about politics mainly because many people that I talk to and know insist that one political party should dominate over the other because it gives an advantage to them, personally, while screwing many others over. But they don’t care; they’re benefiting, so it’s ok for them to accept what’s going on. Think positive! I shake my head at people who are willing to throw people under the bus if they benefit from it. Humans overall just aren’t mature enough to realize that for one man is all man. My race is humanity, and I want that to reflect who I am on all levels. I am human. I am an individual. I am a free being having been dealt a hand of cards (as in more than one card and thus more than one path) and now I choose the path that these cards have opened me up to. I believe in a combination of determinism and free will, and I suppose in that sense that’s how I can reconcile being a Christian existentialist. I’ve been getting into Soren Kierkegaard alongside existentialism having read some Sartre, Beauvoir, and Camus, but readings in philosophy has been going slow overall and have taken a backseat to focus reading more on productivity especially to help with my ADHD as I’m currently unmedicated. Life is harder in day to day functions when I’m not on my medication for sure.

I consider myself a Christian in that I believe in God the Heavenly Father and do my best to live what I consider a Christian life. I try to not push that everyone should be a Christian, and I’m friends with a lot of atheists and other friends of different religions, so it’s easier for me have an inclusive relationship of humanity with them than sharing a relationship through Christianity. However, I’m starting to realize that I am greatly affected by Christianity such as my desire for a single long lasting life with my partner. It’s my SO that I would like to spend the rest of my life with, and I honestly believe that God has blessed me with him, and my SO and mine’s own desire to be together, of course. Believing in God and praying to him has on some level helped to assay some of my anxiety. It’s hard sometimes when the world is overwhelming, but feeling like I haven’t done enough even though with all my ailments I’m doing much more than I should with little regards to my own health, life can be a struggle. God and thinking about religion and how I’ve come to see it doesn’t always soothe the raging beast that is in me at times, but in times of when I desperately need comfort, my thoughts have turned to God on multiple occasions and with faith, I survived.

I’m a very introverted person so I spend most of my time with my SO, off doing chores, reading, resting, writing, or playing games. I’ve also been exercising a little by doing squats and some other types of stretches. I’m still sporadic about it because of how sick or in pain I feel most days, but I’ve been putting effort into at least not letting myself deteriorate despite how much I want to. I record it in my bullet journal, which has been one of the ways to help motivate me to continue doing the exercises.

My bullet journal is part tracker, some actual journaling, and a scheduler all in one. I think if I continue the path I am now with my current notebook, I might invest in a Leuchtturm1917 for next year. In general, I like to try things out for free or at least cheaply (the supplies I use for my bullet journal still costs less in total than me buying one Leuchtturm11917 A5 notebook and are supplies I can use for other things besides journaling) before fully investing into more expensive things. I didn’t realize how expensive pens could get and the different types of pens there are until I started taking my studying seriously, so it’s like a whole new world is opening up to me in a sense.

I think ribbons combined with nice lettering is pretty. I’ve been trying to draw them for the past few days, and I don’t think it they’ve been turning out ugly. Practice makes perfect, and it’s only been about a week since I started taking hand lettering remotely seriously. I’ve been having fun with drawing and coloring, so I see myself doing this for the foreseeable future. The featured image are some ribbons that I drew yesterday when I settled down for a bit to just draw while SO had a friend over and the two were hanging out and I was off to the side doing my own thing.

However, considering that I’ve been focusing a little more on my art, my studying time has taken a slight hit. I’ve also been trying to finish my first book for the classics challenge that I’m doing. I’m close to finishing Rosencrantz and Guildenstern is Dead by Tom Stoppard, so be on the lookout for my review of that great play! I’m also planning on releasing a short review of Freakonomics by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner soon once I finish it. I have a rough draft currently, but it needs some touch ups.

Posted in Uncategorized

Ebooks from Home Through the Library

A PSA for those who want to rent some ebooks from home and have a library card, check out if your library participates in the app Overdrive. You can read it on your own devices and rent it right from home if your library participates.

There’s also multiple sites that offer free ebooks in the public domain such as Internet Archive and Project Gutenberg.

Posted in Uncategorized

New Years Resolution

I like to think of New Years Resolutions each year even though I often never come close to completing them because of how broad they are.

  1. Read at least 1 book a month for a total of 12 books this year
    1. Take notes extensively for the books I’ve read
  2. Read at least 6 books of the Bible this year
  3. Read at least 1 Philosophy book this year
  4. Write 6 essays on 6 different books

Considering that I focused this year’s resolutions on things I’ve already planned ahead of time and made sure is well within my capabilities rather than completely pushing it, I feel like I can at least accomplish one of them rather than none at all. I’m still taking it one day at a time, but having goals and projects to look forward to and actually doing does bring structure into my life, which is something that I think I really need right now rather than spending my days in a haze with no direction.

Posted in Uncategorized

2016 Reflection

Been thinking about this lately. Even when I point blank disagree with another person in a debate topic, I do spend the next few hours (sometimes days) after it trying to critically think about my points and other people’s points. I might give up the debate halfway because, of course, emotions are running high. I might make an ass out of myself in the heat of the moment, but I must not let that define who I am when I take the time to think on who I am and realize who I am holistically. I like to try to be better than that most days. There’s a lot to learn when you finally quiet the part of you that wants to always be right. I believe there are no dumb questions as long as the person asking the question wants to learn and be more informed. Even if they start out saying what I think is nonsense, going full ad hominem isn’t going to help anyone. Engaging in a polite and mature fashion, in my opinion, always guarantees a learning experience. Moreover, even when you might still think the other’s beliefs doesn’t hold up overall, even when the conversation is mature and polite, but you choosing to sit, listen and think rationally about the debate rather than relying on ad hominem attacks make for greater respect overall, and respect is a great lesson to be had every time.

There are certainly many times in my life where I failed to be mature about things, but as I grow older, I actively try even if I still fail and probably will continue to fail. That doesn’t mean I should give up trying to be a better person. It starts with you. You can’t control how other people are, but you can control yourself (unless you have illnesses, of which I encourage you to get treated for).

Posted in Uncategorized

Hello Everyone!

Hi and welcome to A Millennial’s Musings. This site is primarily focused as a place to do my own analyses, thoughts, and predictions in such things as literature, history, learning, religion, politics, and philosophy along with some posts dedicated to giving information for background understanding.